


The Atrocity of Sunsets

by GreyGardens



Series: Their Dark Desires [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bisexual Draco Malfoy, Broken Draco Malfoy, Dissociation, Draco Malfoy Has Issues, Draco Malfoy is Bad at Feelings, Dysfunctional Family, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Drama, Family Issues, Flashbacks, Hermione Granger Makes Mistakes, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Oblivious Hermione Granger, Oops, POV Draco Malfoy, Panic, Panic Attacks, Panic Attacks During Sex, Past Draco Malfoy/Pansy Parkinson, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad Draco Malfoy, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Shame, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, literally though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:47:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyGardens/pseuds/GreyGardens
Summary: Digging up old memories can have unintended consequences, especially in games without rules.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Series: Their Dark Desires [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182422
Comments: 12
Kudos: 19





	The Atrocity of Sunsets

He found himself automatically closing his eyes as he started telling her the story; moving slowly inside her in an attempt to draw it out as long as possible, even though he was already aching and raw from what she had just done to him. It was her turn now and he wanted to make it as good for her as possible.  
  
He let his mind drift back to that night again.  
  
"My parents and Pansy were standing in the doorway looking like they'd just been hit with a stunning spell." He said, trying to control his breathing and focus on the story instead of how incredible her body was making him feel. He really shouldn't have jumped into things so quickly, but he couldn't make her wait any longer, not when she wanted him so badly.  
  
"I bet they did!" Hermione laughed wickedly, her nails suddenly raking deliciously down his back and making him thrust into her deeper than he meant to.  
  
"Careful, Granger," he hissed between clenched teeth, stalling inside of her a moment so he could regain control, "you're going to make me cum if you're not careful and I want you to enjoy this."  
  
"I'll try," she said, "but I can't make any promises."  
  
"Wicked woman," He laughed, thrusting himself back into her, causing her to let out a moan that was like music to his ears. She really _was_ the most incredible woman he had ever been with. He was so bloody lucky to have her.  
  
"Just tell me the story." she said, rolling her pelvis against his and making his head spin. He grabbed onto the arm of the couch to brace himself and then started rocking his hips into her in a slow, steady rhythm as he picked up the story where he had left off.  
  
"There we were, the waiter and the heir, my trousers down around my ankles, my shirt torn, his hair a mess, my cock in his mouth - "  
  
"Oh yes…" Hermione moaned, grabbing his arse and pulling him deeper into herself.  
  
"The thought of that actually turns you on, doesn't it, Granger?" Draco exclaimed, surprised at this realization.  
  
"Oh, _Merlin,_ yes." She whined, her nails digging painful crescents into his flesh.  
  
"Hermione Jean Granger," he said shaking his head, "will you ever cease to amaze me, you gorgeous dark horse, you?"  
  
"Just tell me what happened next." She begged, rolling her pelvis against his again.  
  
"Pansy, silly cow that she was, started screaming immediately, so my _lovely_ mother had to silence her." Draco smirked. There may not have been any love lost between him and his mother, but the memory of her jinxing Pansy and finally shutting her bloody mouth, even if it was only for a moment, was a beautiful one. Fuck, he couldn't _stand_ Pansy.  
  
He thrust into Hermione a little too hard, causing her to gasp. "Sorry." He said, wincing, taking a moment to breathe, to get control of himself so he wouldn't hurt her by accident.  
  
"It's okay. Just keep going." Hermione panted, her fingers gripping his forearm. "Tell me what happened next."  
  
"I got dressed while my father threatened the waiter in between giving me a right bollocking about my shameful behavior." Draco said, picking the slow, steady rhythm back up.  
  
Bollocking, ha! That was _one_ word for the Dante's Inferno of parental lectures that his father had given him; his voice low and icy the whole time, somehow making Draco feel much worse than if the man had started screaming like Pansy. Screaming could have at least been easily dismissed as an emotional outburst, but the cold, calculated way in which his father had verbally flayed him alive, calmly and systematically ripping apart the most fundamental parts of who he was as a person, had been all the more absolutely devastating and soul destroying for the lack of emotion behind his words.  
  
A lump welled up in Draco's throat at the memory, irritating him. He wasn't going to let his father ruin _this_ bloody moment too. He bit down hard on his lip to try and get a hold of himself, the sudden sharp pain and taste of blood momentarily taking him out of his head and bringing him back into his body. He began moving inside her again.  
  
"My mother finally convinced Pansy not to start bloody screaming again and removed the charm, so Pansy started in on me next, calling me every name under the sun." Draco continued.  
  
"Oh, I _bet_ she did." Hermione moaned, her hand gripping his forearm tighter as he thrust into her. "What did she call you?"  
  
Disgusting. Worthless. Weak. Useless. Abhorrent. Repulsive. Fairy. Poof. Abomination. Nancy boy.   
  
"I can't remember." He lied, biting down on his lip again, the sensation in his body slipping away rapidly as he became more consumed by the memory of Pansy viciously slagging him off in front of his parents and the waiter who still looked way too much like Benjamin, but now like a Benjamin who was desperate to escape the situation he had found himself in. Neither of his parents batting an eye or saying a word in his defense as she absolutely eviscerated him.  
  
"Sure you can." Hermione purred, rocking her pelvis against his.  
  
Why was she doing this? Why was she pushing?  
  
"No," he lied, his heart hammering in his chest, "I can't. Use your imagination."  
  
It was cruel. It was cruel. Why was she doing this to him?  
  
"Would you like me to tell you what I _think_ she said?" She asked playfully, wrapping her legs around him to try and pull him in deeper.  
  
"No!" He snapped, losing himself in a moment of blind terror and thrusting into her too hard again.  
  
He couldn't bear to hear the words again, not now, and especially not from _her._ It would destroy him.  
  
"Draco are you - " Hermione started, her gentle hand rubbing his arm, a note of concern in her voice.  
  
"Pansy was off on some grand, ranting monologue about what a horrible monster I was." He continued, cutting her off, lost in his head, desperate to end the game, not even feeling his body anymore as he thrust into her. "My loving parents were very helpfully backing her up and threatening to disown me, and the poor bloody waiter was just standing there looking like he wanted to crawl right out of his skin and into someone else's to escape. So I decided to take matters into my own hands."  
  
"What did you do?" Hermione asked, her voice once again seeming to come from a great distance.  
  
"I marched over to the waiter and kissed him like - "  
  
Like he was Benjamin.  
  
"Don't tell me, Draco," she panted, her nails digging into his skin as he thrust into her, "show me."  
  
His lips found hers and he kissed her desperately, passionately, pouring all of the love and hope and goodness that he still had left inside of him after all that he'd been through into the kiss, leaving her breathless, speechless, his body still rutting into hers, going through the motions on automatic as his mind was flooded with memories:  
  
The look of shock on the waiter's face when he kissed him had reminded Draco that he _wasn't_ Benjamin, having the same effect on him as a bucket of ice water. But he had forced himself to go on, just as he was now, in spite of the agony he was feeling living through the memory of that night again. He had spent so many years trying to block it out and numb the pain that he had forgotten just how fucking _brutal_ it was.  
  
The rage, hatred, shame and disgust on the faces of his parents and Pansy.  
  
Their cruel, cutting words and the way his mother couldn't even _look_ at him, wouldn't even _speak_ to him.  
  
The waiter who most definitely _wasn't_ Benjamin.  
  
Bile rose in his throat as he continued to move inside her.  
  
He wish he'd never agreed to this stupid game. Why did she have to make him remember _this?_  
  
Damn it. There was no way he was going to cum like this, not when he was so trapped in the pain that he couldn't even feel. He gave up on any hope of that and decided to focus his attention on making her cum and ending it as quickly as possible so he could go be sick.  
  
He reached down between them numbly, finding Hermione's clit and rubbing it as he picked up speed and began thrusting into her deeper, making her moan, even as he felt nothing.  
  
It was horrible, a nightmare. Sex hadn't been like this since -  
  
Another memory suddenly flashed through his mind, sending a jolt of terror through him.  
  
"Oh Draco…" Hermione moaned, bucking her hips, wrapping her legs around him even tighter.  
  
Fear clutching his chest, tears prickling in his eyes.  
  
He needed to end this.  
  
Another flash. His throat constricting, palms sweating.  
  
He was _definitely_ going to be sick.  
  
Another flash. His heart in his throat, fear flooding through his veins.  
  
He needed to end this _now._ _  
__  
_ He thrust himself Into her roughly and she let out a howl of pleasure, tearing her fingernails down his back, the pain snapping him back into his body for a moment.  
  
His heart racing, he clenched his jaw and tried to make his mind go blank to keep himself from shattering again like he used to as he started pumping his hips into her as fast as he could, pounding her desperately into the couch as he increased the speed and pressure of his thumb on her clit, bringing her closer and closer to the brink, even as the bile continued to rise in his throat.  
  
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. This wasn't supposed to happen again, not with _her._  
  
"Draco," Hermione panted, her nails digging into his back, her body writhing beneath his, the sensation suddenly making his head spin and his stomach lurch violently.  
  
Oh fuck, no, not with _her,_ not like _this._ _  
__  
_ "What happened next?" She moaned, and he realized that she was waiting for him to finish the story before cumming, so lost in her own pleasure that she didn't realize what telling the story was actually doing to him.  
  
Fuck.  
  
And if she realized that he hadn't exactly gotten off on the telling of the horrible little story, he knew she would try and find a way to make him, and for once, that was the _last_ thing he wanted her to do.  
  
He was trapped.  
  
He didn't have a choice.  
  
Slowing the rhythm of his thrusts he forced his mind to drift further back to another night, before things got bad, letting the safer memories flood his brain and wash away the painful ones, hating himself for it the whole time.  
  
Benjamin laying him down on the comfortable, threadbare old couch in his dressing room, carefully unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time, his soft lips gently kissing each centimeter of his skin as it was revealed, sending shivers of pleasure through his body.  
  
Benjamin touching him, kissing him, his head buried in his neck, making him moan, leaving love bites that Draco would have to painstakingly hide the next morning before going down to breakfast.  
  
Benjamin moving inside of him, making him feel better than he had ever felt in his life up to that point. Making him feel loved.  
  
Draco picked up speed, his body taking over.  
  
"Tell me Draco…" Hermione moaned, "oh, Merlin, please tell me."  
  
Benjamin's hands on his body, making every single nerve ending come alive as he murmured softly into his ear, telling him how much he loved him.  
  
Draco began bucking his hips more desperately.  
  
"Please, Draco…" Hermione begged as he thrust into her, her nails digging into him so deeply that they drew blood, snapping him back to the present. "Please tell me…"  
  
"I took the waiter by the hand," Draco panted, trying to rush through the end of the story without letting himself think about it, without letting himself _feel_ it, focusing instead on the image of Benjamin in his mind, "grabbed the half empty bottle of champagne, and said - "  
  
"Hurry, Draco," Hermione moaned, "I'm so close..."  
  
Benjamin kissing him as his thrusts became more urgent, holding him, making him feel safe and loved and wanted.  
  
_"Please,_ Draco!" Hermione cried, her body rising to meet his as he thrust into her in time to the memory of that night.  
  
His hand reaching out to find Benjamin's, gripping it so tightly he might have been afraid of breaking it if he didn't suddenly feel like he was about to fall off a cliff.  
  
Benjamin squeezing his hand back.  
  
"I said…I said...'' Draco panted, his body suddenly coming alive again as he took her in hard, quick thrusts, thinking about how good Benjamin had felt inside him that night as he did so and hating himself for it.  
  
"I said, 'c'mon gorgeous, you're much better in bed than _she_ is, let's get out of this tomb and go have some fun,' and walked the hell out of there with the waiter." He said, pumping his hips into her faster and faster until -  
  
His hand crushing Benjamin's as they fell off the cliff together.  
  
With a strangled moan, he bucked his hips into her once more, burying himself deep inside her, feelings of guilt, shame and self-disgust completely overwhelming him as the memory of Benjamin finally made him cum.   
  
Hermione let out an earth shattering moan as she followed him, her legs squeezing him like a vice and her nails biting into his skin, before letting go and lying limp on the couch, panting and basking in the afterglow of her orgasm.  
  
Seeing her like that, smiling, happy, blissfully unaware of what had just been playing out in his mind, was too much for him to handle.  
  
He got up from the couch and stumbled to the doorway.  
  
"Hey, where are you going? Aren't we going to cuddle?" Hermione asked.  
  
"I'm just getting a glass of water first, Granger," he lied, "I'll just be a moment."  
  
"Well, hurry back!" She called after him happily.  
  
He made it to the bathroom just in time to be sick.  
  
Staring at himself in the mirror after, he barely recognized himself.   
  
"You're disgusting." He whispered to his reflection as a tear made its way down his cheek. "You don't deserve her. You're too broken."  
  
It wasn't supposed to be this way.


End file.
